Fear of sleeping or being alone
The following comments are in response to questions that came from two different parents. One says, "Our 3 year old son, just in the last 3 weeks, is afraid to sleep alone. We put a light in his room, but he says there are `monsters' under his bed." Another mother wrote, "My four year old son and his sister, three, have decided they are `scared' to go upstairs or downstairs by themselves. All our hallways are well lit." Both parents asked for your suggestions about dealing with this fear of sleeping or being alone.
"You may need to monitor their television viewing. My children have developed fears after watching `scary' cartoons. You may try going upstairs with your kids for awhile. If you don't dwell on the fear it may just go away. Listen to them seriously - don't take it lightly."
"Check under the bed with your child to show there is nothing there. Spend quiet time with your child with the lights off and hopefully they will fall asleep. You may also find the source of these new `monsters.' You may find it's a book, movie or TV show that you can avoid in the future."
"My 3 year old daughter went through a stage of being frightened of a wolf in her room at night. Repeated assurances that wolves were afraid of people, etc., had no effect. I finally told her `sternly' that I would not allow any wolves in my house, in the same manner that I would keep out a strange dog. She seemed reassured and never brought it up again."
"Don't ignore or belittle the fears. They are very real to the child. Try to help the child deal with the fear with things like `magic' words or maybe sheets as `force fields,' etc.
Whatever the child and you can come up with to help (I had an army of stuffed animals set up as sentries!)"
"I'd say the best thing in this situation is to be really honest and open with your child. Let him do what he need to do to feel better. Use a night light or leave the door open, etc. I think he will `outgrow' it, but it's not the worst problem!"
"I saw this on a TV talk show - Put water in a spray bottle and then put some perfume or a good smell in it. Spray around the room, along the floor, in the closet, windows (anywhere those monsters can get in). Then tell your child,
`This is a monster barrier. They cannot cross
this line." The faint smell can reassure him that the barrier is still working. Good luck."
"My 3 year old did this also. He was afraid to go to sleep at night. We sat with him for a few minutes and assured him that there are no monsters (they are pretend) but we knew he felt afraid. We went to him every time he called out at night. This was not fun! But it paid off after 2 to 3 months. He is still afraid of monsters but he rarely asks us to come into his room. We did not let him come into our room or sleep and we did not sleep in his room with him. It is a phase that passes."
"I was ten years old, and still afraid to go upstairs to bed. One night no one would come tuck me into bed. So with all the strength I could muster, I raced up the stairs and turned on the bedroom light. I felt so proud of myself that I did it alone - I was able to go upstairs by myself from then on. Maybe this is what your child need to do."
"A friend of mine had a problem with her son sleeping alone on his bed. The `mean man' was always after him. They changed beds (got him a different one) and the `mean man' went away with the old bed. He started sleeping alone and everything was fine after that."
"Let your son take a `pal' (puppet, stuffed animal, etc.) to bed with him. Explain to your children how the sun is going to the other side of the world and that darkness is a time to rest our eyes, minds and bodies. GRANDFATHER TWILIGHT, by Barbara Berger is a beautiful book showing dusk to be a comforting time."
"I think parents should be sympathetic in these situations and should not make light of their children's fears. At 4 or 4, your children are verbal enough to talk to you about these fears. I would assure them that `Monster's' are not real - they are just pictures in books and on TV. I would say that I am always there to keep them safe and that no monsters can come into our house. And I'd try to talk with them about what they think we could do to help them be less afraid. Also, try to determine if there might be something going on in their young lives that might be carrying over to these fears. (Sometimes I don't like to sleep alone either!)"
"My 3 year old son had a similar problem with ghosts in the house and under his bed. Every night for approximately a week we had ghost chasing time before bed. My husband would get the flashlight and the 2 of them would take pretend swords and scare away all of the ghosts in every room and chase them out the front door. It worked."
"First of all, find out if the night light really helps. Our oldest daughter found the shadows cast by a low light very frightening and prefers a bedside lamp with a 15 watt bulb. We give her books to look at in bed until she falls asleep, which helps to keep her mind from wandering to scary thoughts - plus she has learned to love books. A friend of mine dealt with her children's fear of being alone by bringing out the baby monitor. Her children felt secure knowing mom and dad were listening downstairs."
"Are they watching scary shows on TV? If so, then that's the reason. If not, tell them there are no monsters. Read a book to them every night before bedtime. See if you can find a nice book about friends, etc."
"I haven't had this problem (yet!), but I've heard that you should encourage the child to describe and name the monster - almost make friends with it. Also, a christians, we will encourage our children to claim protection from Jesus. He's always there and children can learn early on that he will protect them from harm."
"Our 3 year old also went through this phase. First of all, keep the light on for him. Check with him for `monsters' under the bed. We would tuck him in and let him know we'd be back in 5 minutes to check on him and then we would make sure to do it. Even if they're awake, give another kiss and promise to be back in another 5 minutes. It seemed to put my son at ease to know that I would be back in a few minutes."
"Read HOW TO SOLVE YOUR CHILD'S SLEEP PROBLEMS, by Richard Ferber. The book does wonders!"
( What advice would you most like to give about experiencing life with a new baby?"
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