Motivating toddlers to pick up
"My 4 year old son has a room full of toys, and they are all over his floor. No matter what my husband and I try, he just doesn't seem to understand that each toy has a place and that when he's done playing with the toy, it should be returned to that place. What do we try next?"
"Believe it or not, it sounds like there are too many toys. We had the same problem with our son (almost 3) until I bagged up almost all of them and put them in the attic. How he has 6 to 7 major things to play with at a time and he seems to be better focused with less confusion. by doing this we can also rotate his toys when he's tired of the things he has in his room. He seems much happier with this arrangement, and we get more mileage out of all the toys."
"Sounds like too many toys. A 4 year old can't organize that many. Try having a shelf with six spaces - allow six toys to be on display at a time. Rotate the toys on display upon request. New toys can be added only when all the toys are put away."
"My boys, ages 5 and 3 1/2, have no conscience regarding a tidy house, so they, too, require much parental encouragement to put playthings away. Their style of play often involves combining different types of toys at one (Lego + actions figures + costumes + props), so the aftermath can be rather overwhelming. What works well for us is having separate containers for specific toys and shelf space identified for storing these containers as well as larger toys. We have `clean-up time' three times a day (before meals and bedtime) and Dad and Mom assist. Each child is given a specific item to search for and put away (i.e., #1 finds all the blocks, #2 finds all the cars). When the first task is complete, another task is given - they work faster and more successfully if given only one task at a time. Lots of praise and even game playing can make this process enjoyable for all. I wish my children would just clean up without any intervention, but given their ages, temperaments, preferences, and, at times, even the inconsistent modeling of their parents, they need a lot of guidance to be successfully tidy. This is the best training schedule we've come up with so far."
"No child I know will put toys back without parental guidance. When things look to messy I have the kids clean up before going on to any
new activity. I stay with them and give directions when they need it on what to put away next. It's more fun if all of the family is involved and work together. It goes faster too. Kids aren't neat and tidy naturally, but they do like to co-operate and work together when it is a family priority and activity. Remember Mary Poppins and `In Every Job That Must Be Done There Is An Element Of Fun'."
"This a tough one. The only thing that would work for us was explaining that she wouldn't get better without the medicine and that she would have to take it and we needed her co-operation. We'd often have a glass of water to chase it with to get rid of unpleasant aftertastes."
"Have you tried creating specified pickup times, say before lunch, dinner and bed? You will need to join in the fun of finding the `right' place for everything. Each toy is not a separate entity to your child as it is to you. Children need to be able to mix different toys to create their own fun."
"I have found success with keeping the toys visible on open shelves within the child's reach. Be very firm about letting the child know that he is welcome to play with any toy at any time but the rule is one at a time and before the next one comes out the current one must be picked up. The incentive is seeing the toys and wanting to play with them. This may be easier to enforce in the beginning with the shelves being out of reach so the parent has to hand out the toys. Keeping toys organized and pieces co-ordinated is more appealing to the child! They may need help to initiate this idea."
"It's great that you're teaching your son to put things away when he's done. We have a 3 year old who had the same problem. So I explained that I can't always pick up his toys. So we made a game of house work in general. When I do my cleaning, I allow him to help with the little things. (We bought him his own cleaning things.) When we're done, everything gets put away. We always work together. If a toy is out of place, we ask him where it goes, and why was it left out. He always has an answer, but it gets put away. Try working as a team, and play - `Where does this go?' We had much success."
"Does he have a toy box? You could try going to the store, letting him pick out the toy box, and see if he is willing to help then, or do it together each night, make a game out of it, or put away some toys to reduce the number that must be picked up. Also, as a method of discipline, offer choices appropriate for his age."
"Four year old's aren't interested in toys being put away. They are also not capable of cleaning up on their own. Decide when it's important to you that the toys be picked up and then you help also. And stick with those few times - eventually it will sink in even if that isn't until your child has children of their own."
"My son is nearly 3 now, but even at 2 years he learned the consequences of a littered room, as Mom and Dad experimented and found this solution. He has 2 shelves out of reach in his closet. If, after a few "2nd chances" he does not pick up, the toys are put away by us - up high, no longer at his disposal. When he sees them again, he may ask for it and we'll get it down. He may play with it as long as he picks it up properly enough when asked to, or we repeat it. Works well. Some things just stay there like books, puzzles, and games and some things like legos and blocks and lincoln logs come down for periods of time, then he seems to tire of them, can't make himself pick them up, so they get "set up" for awhile. Picking up once a day is plenty often. Sometimes now that isn't even necessary as he keeps most of it in pretty good order, and, after all, he is a small child and an "order" to him is completely different than what it is to adults. Also, sometimes we let things go while something else is more important, should they not occasionally have the same option. Baskets help for small, miscellaneous toys and picking up with our son often makes a task more enjoyable and he joins in with energy."
"We do a clean up time at the end of the day - doesn't matter how much of a mess my daughter makes (kids like to see their toys strewn around!) as long as we clean up together at the end. Following clean-up time there's lots of praise and a snack, & sometimes we put special music on or have `cleaning races.' Toy rotation is helpful too - only keep a few things within your four year old's easy reach at a time, changing them every couple of weeks. This will cut down on the mess."
"He's too young to remember on his own. Pick a few times each day and make pick-up part of your routine - `You pick up while I fix lunch' - and always before bedtime. You may need to help - and be specific in directions, `you pick up puzzle's now and put them on the shelf, and then the blocks'. If you say `pick up all your toys', it may seem like too big a job or too vague for his age."
"I've never been successful at getting children to play with just one toy at a time. But I have tried 2 things that reduce the mess somewhat. One is to keep toys with many pieces (Legos, puzzles, Discovery Pegs, blocks, etc.) in a closet or a place where they need to be asked for. Then make the child put away one kind to get another kind out of the closet. The second idea is that sometimes kids get so disorganized they don't know how or where to start with the cleanup task. So it helps to identify one thing for them to do, like: `put all the stuffed animals on the shelf' or `put all the blocks in the bucket'. Even when they know where things go, they just don't know which to tackle first."
"We've had the same problem with our children, now 5 and 6. We finally went through all their toys and pack away everything but a few of their favorites. We then had different sized storage boxes for their remaining toys, and put things like small building blocks up high where they couldn't get them unless they asked. The rule was that when they were finished playing with them they had to put the toys away or else we would pack them away like the others. Gradually we re-introduced some of the packed away toys, but most of them they didn't even miss. Also, we are now using a behavior chart where they get a star at the end of the day if they cleaned up all their messes. Then there is a reward depending on the number of stars they get at the end of the week."
"You could try explaining to your son that you will have to take all of the toys away, if he doesn't put them away. If that doesn't work, I would actually remove all of the toys. See how he reacts, and explain again what you did. As long as the toys are still physically in his room, you obviously won't get results from what you've tried. But something as drastic as taking them away, might just do the trick."
"I don't think you can expect a 4 year old to always put their toys away, even when asked. The following things have worked with my 4 year old: (1) Pitch in yourself and make it fun with a song, game or a race, (2) Place some toys on a high shelf, only to be retrieved when he picks up one or two other toys, (3) or leave the mess alone for a few days, it really doesn't matter."
"In a child's mind, picking up a toy when he's done playing with it is never as important as figuring out what to play with next! It's as necessary for your son to have his toys all over the floor as it is for you and I to have all the ingredients for a recipe in front of us before we begin mixing cookies. After play is finished, a gentle reminder and mom or dad saying, `Let's pick up together!', usually works. My six year old son is just now starting to understand organization, and how nice it is to be able to find things when he needs them. He is now able to clean up his messes by himself."
"What worked with my son was to explain that the person to put things away would be the one that could play with it. It took several times of my putting things away too high for him to get to. But now when I suggest that he do it himself or at least help me, he moves fast to make sure it gets put away so he can reach it and knows where it is for next time. Nothing is foolproof but this has saved a lot of arguments."
"It sounds like your young son has too many toys to appreciate them. Try taking away all but a few toys and store them somewhere else. Then work with the remaining toys as far as putting them away after play. He may have been overwhelmed at the sight of so many toys to put away! After her has learned to put away the toys he has, reward him by giving another toy, one at a time, that you stored away."
"We started teaching our now 26 month old to pick up after himself when he was one. we perceived that if he was capable of getting toys out he could probably put them away, too. We don't allow him to have more than two toys out at a time (or one if it's a large, messy one such as building blocks). If he refuses to clean up after himself (with our help and guidance) then the toys simply are taken away, until such time as he has proven he can care for his things. This could be one day or 3 weeks, however long it takes. Patience, not anger, is the key for us. If we let him know how upset he can make us, it loses it's effectiveness. However, if we remain calm and just take the toy away, generally he can redeem his self-discipline within a day. Of course, we have to `catch' him being good - Times when he picks up with out being asked or picks up after only one prompt. He is also not allowed to do anything else until the toys are put away. This works very well when he's motivated to change activities. Good luck."
"Kids may benefit from a limited amount of toys: (1) Try removing some (put away in storage for a period of time - when they re-appear it will seem like new toys!). (2) Lower level of expectations - it is difficult for a 4 year old to clean up a room full of toys. (3) Try to clean up at same time as child - by observing you, he may catch on. (4) Use baskets and make a game of throwing toy's into basket. (5) My 4 year old daughter suggests coming to his house to help him pick up!"
"When the toy has not been put away in the proper place - take that specific toy and he can not play with it for 1 hour, day, week, etc.....for however long you feel is just. Do this until he learns that everything even a toy has it's own proper place."
"My 4 year old daughter did the same thing until someone suggested "The Saturday Box" to us. Each night before she goes to bed we check to make sure everything is put away, anything that is out of place, i.e. on the floor, goes into the Saturday Box. On Saturday she is allowed to take 1 toy back from the box (we began with three). Now we rarely have trouble with scattered toys."
"Any kind of `work' or `chore' can be made fun by making it become a game. Give each toy whether a block, a car, or a teddy a name and/or personality. Throughout the day go into you son's room with him and make a comment like; `Oh, poor Mr. Block can't find his home. He'll be sad if he can't go where he belongs.' Have your son put it away then praise him like `Oh, now Mr. Block is happy! Are there any other sad toys that can't find their home?'. And be sure to praise him for the toys who did find their homes without your help. This method worked for me when I was a small child and I still use it when my own housework seems overwhelming or tedious."
"Try more supervision. Each time he goes to a new toy ask that the previous toy be returned and put up."
"Adults can be quite organized and children don't always appreciate that. Children have shorter attention spans and love to play with a variety of toys within a short period of time. Their imaginative minds take them from one toy to another. Rather than fighting a frustrating battle, have specific clean up times during the course of the day (before lunch, before dinner and before bed). A child may not be finished playing with a toy just because he currently isn't playing with it. You wouldn't want to stifle his imagination would you!"
"When playtime is over; i.e. time for lunch, time to go shopping, time for bed, time for whatever - set aside time for clean up. Everybody joins in the clean up - Make a game out of it. Make up a song. This way we have 1 or 2 big clean up's a day - rather than lots of little clean up's. We're using this with our younger sons. They seem to enjoy clean up almost as much as playing with their toys. Our 6 year old is still a little reluctant but better. Also, it is important to examine your attitude toward your clean up. Children often model our behavior."
"Take all the toys away. Each day give him one toy. If he puts it away give him another each day. Reverse it when he doesn't put the toy away."
"You could try a couple of approaches: Just leave the toys on the floor and designate a cleaning day where the whole family helps out. Then, after that do a fun activity that he'd like such as going for an ice cream cone, etc. Another thing to try (after a cleaning) would be to explain to your son that the toys he leaves laying about will be put away until a time when he will put them away (after a reasonable amount of time). Keep only a few toys out and maybe add a few toys at a time when he does clean up. This may be a phase too - so what ever you do, don't be too hard on him, just be firm, encouraging and reward all efforts."
"To remind our children of their responsibility we tell them what we expect and the consequences if they don't put the toys away. One consequence might be losing use of the toy for a period of time. (When I'm exasperated I threaten to throw the toys away but this is a childish approach I know. However, the children respond to this immediately and put everything away beautifully, so it does work and I have never thrown any toys away.) Our kids are most receptive when we approach it as a learning process, that we are teaching them how to take care of their things. We started to teach them when they were toddlers."
"Don't make all the toys accessible to him at one time. Keep some toys in a closet and rotate them every month. That way his toys seem new to him and there are fewer to pick up after playtime. I also assist in picking up - Sometimes preschoolers really don't `see' what is to be picked up. They need specific directions.
"One thing you could try is to make a reward chart. Buy some stickers-on stars and whenever you child does the assigned job (be very clear on what you want him to do exactly) and after a few day's, or however long it takes to reach the end of a row. Reward your child with an allowance or something good - I give my kids a dollar. Put the chart up out of reach but not out of sight and help your child put his own star on the chart. Let him pick out his own color each time. Start out small and don't make chores too big to handle."
"I think children at this age need structure and involvement from parents in order to succeed at cleaning up. One approach is to have a regular time each day when the whole family pitches in for 15 minutes to clean up - it really can be a fun time. Talk about how good it feels and looks to see it all neat again. Another strategy is to catch them before they launch into another activity and send them back to tidy up after their first mess before the proceed. Then praise! If our 4 year old doesn't want to help cleaning up, we usually remind her that next time she asks to play with that toy she'll want us to say `yes' again. Playing takes so much of their energy they're not usually too motivated to clean up at the end, are they? (Our play room is usually messy for a week at a time, sorry to say!)"
( What advice would you most like to give about experiencing life with a new baby?"
Send your advice via E-mail to: Editor - BABY EXPERIENCE ADVICE )
